What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 16.06.2025 17:18
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Is there a correlation between being a medium and mental health?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Why did i forgive my father ?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Thousands of galaxies revealed in a single Webb image - Earth.com
This is soul school!.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
So, i spoilt her more .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
What is the rudest/meanest thing a family member has said to you?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I will be 64.
Why should the law care about what I do behind closed doors?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
(And it was in our own minds.)
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
My family never makes their pension either.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I was very sick at this time too.
We were not on the streets..
I was seconnd youngest,
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I waited trembling.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But it wasn’t much.
She was in good health!
All the time i was locked up.
What did i know ?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I couldn’t, believe it.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Ive learnt so much.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I was 9 years of age.
She married twice! .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And i lived it daily.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Comes on , in middle age.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Especially a lifetime of it.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I never cut or harmed myself..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Put me off passion for life!!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She loved him until the end.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
It was going to be , some day.
We all went to grammer schools
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He resisted the act ,that day.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I write beautiful poetry .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She found it foreign!.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
As i do to all so called friends.?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I don,t even have a pension.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I have no regrets .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I was scared of men, in general
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My life is so biszare .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Was to survive, this bastard.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But ive been too sick for many years..
So whats the point in blame.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He knew the spot.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I said to her
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
When she asked me how she looked .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Who then, do I blame.?
Im still living with it.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I think the readers, may guess!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
One cannot live in the past .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She wouldn,t have been !
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Would this be the day?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But, we were locked up after school.